When Enough Sex Is Not Enough

What can cause the differences in sex drive in a relationship? How to cope when your partner wants more or less sex than you? Read on!

What causes different sex drives?

(1) Relationship problems

This can be due to differences on matters such as who should contribute more to household expenses and who should pay for which item, child rearing and relationship with in-laws. When couples cannot resolve conflicts over these matters, one of them will bear a grudge against the other one. This pent-up anger can cause the aggrieved side to lose sexual interest on his/her partner. This can also lead to him/her to withhold sex to punish his/her partner.

(2) Inadequate knowledge about sex

If one or both of you are raised in societies where there is no sex education or where sex is a taboo topic being negatively viewed as something dirty or immoral, this can prevent you from looking for ways to enrich and spice up your sex life. You or your spouse may think that sex is meant only for procreation and cannot see any connection between sex and pleasure.

(3) Psychological issues

Stress over work or child rearing, performance anxiety, lack of sexual confidence, past histories of sexual abuse, physical or mental ailments, drug abuse, medication (drugs such as those prescribe for hypertension can hurt sexual desire) leaving either one of you to lose interest in sex.

(4) Differences in the way you and your spouse look at sex

You and your partner may have different baseline sex drives and/or may prioritize sex differently. This may not be any serious relationship problems, only mere differences in the way how each side thinks about sex.

(5) Not enough passion

Absence makes the heart grows fonder. Not giving enough space to each other in daily life, with both sides sticking to each other like a piece of chewing gum can be stifling and hurt passion in the long run. The pressures and expectations we put on our intimate relationships may kill the passion in lovemaking.

How to cope with different level of sexual desire?

(1) Avoid blaming your partner

It is always very easy to blame others when problems crop up. This can only cause your spouse to get defensive and discourage him/her from working together with you to come up with solutions. Even if you feel most of the problems lie with your partner, it is better to find out what are the causes and how they arise.

(2) Talking to your partner

When relationship problems surface, it is best to find the space and time to talk to your partner. If you do not talk to your partner, you will not be able to discover the roots of the problems and he/she may not be aware of the existence of problems or your concerns. Before talking to your spouse, make sure you think before you talk, avoid putting the blame on him/her, begin your statements with "I" such as, "I think....." or "I am concern about........" and always remember to listen. However if the situation deteriorates to the point where both of you cannot talk to each other without ending up in arguments, you will have to find a counselor or therapist.

(3) Working towards a compromise

It is very unrealistic to expect everything to go according to the way you want. A relationship is a series of constant adjustment to each other and involving a lot of give and take. Finding sexual compromise is much easier when you lay down all the options on the table for both sides to work out the differences in sexual desire.

(4) Looking for self-help resources

There are many books you can find in book shops, libraries or online that touch on issues like sex drive discrepancies in a long-term relationship. Some of them may have titles such as Dealing With A Sexless Marriage. This is a viable option before you consider seeing a counselor or a family therapist.

More tips for handling different sex drives in a relationship can be found by clicking on Online Sex Guide and Sexual Chemistry.

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How Long Is Long Enough For Her

Great sex is about sexual technique? Or is it about effective sexual communication? Or is it about sex toys? If you do a search on the Amazon website, you can easily find over 150 books with great sex in the title, each offering various kinds of ideas about sex. As the saying goes, "One man's meat is another man's poison", when comes to making love which is something very personal, one person's great sexual ideas may not necessarily be yours. The subtler the sex myths, the more damaging they can do to your relationship and love life. Here are a few of the more common sex myths that a lot of guys tend to believe.

(1) Women are not interested in watching porn

It never occurs to most guys that women get in touch with their sexuality through pornography. The fact is women often use literary erotica or more subtle pictures of half-naked males to accomplish what men use pornography for. Women can be equally as horny as men.

(2) You need to give a woman an orgasm in every lovemaking session

The fact is at times not due to the fault of either party, or it can be due to certain temporary psychological factors, a woman is not able to reach orgasm. This is perfectly normal. When a guy feels that sex will not be complete if he is not able to bring a woman to orgasm, this will exert a lot of pressure on both parties. When your mind becomes fixated on the goal of achieving orgasm, your chances of actually reaching this peak of sexual excitement can diminish significantly. The thing is, many women who do not have orgasms can still find sex fulfilling as long as they feel loved.

If you are struggling with achieving a powerful orgasm, it may be because your foreplay is lacking. What you should do is you can slightly tease each other and come close to orgasm without actually achieving one, when she comes her final orgasmic moment will be spectacular. Teasing one another is playful and fun and creates a sexual buildup that powerfully culminates in her final orgasm.

(3) There is a right amount of sex

Many guys will start to get concerned about their relationships when the frequency of sex decreases after an initial spurt of almost every late night's bedroom orgy. The fear out there is everyone else out there is having a lot more sex than you are. The fact is people have different sex drive levels and it is perfectly normal about having sex once or twice a week, or even less frequently for some couples.

(4) The longer the lovemaking session the better it is

Most men think so. They will try to push sex regularly past the hour mark, and get frustrated or disappointed if they cannot extend their bedroom sessions to the tantric levels of longevity.

The reality is that longer sex does not necessarily equal better sex. It usually results in a lot of sore body parts and painful sex due to prolonged penetration. Here is the simple truth. You only need to last as long as it takes for a woman to have an orgasm. This does not even need to be achieved through vaginal penetration. A woman is capable of getting an orgasm through foreplay, oral sex, masturbation or even mental seduction. As long as she receives her orgasm, the amount of time you spend inside her does not matter much. What a guy should do is to spend more time and effort during foreplay and bring her to climax before entering her. Even if you do not last even a minute longer after penetration, she will still give you 100 marks for your sexual performance.

Much of what you have known about sex is not true. Only once you move beyond these myths will you truly be able to reach the level of sexual satisfaction you and your partner desires. For more ideas on having a healthy sex life, you can click on Make Love Better and Sexual Chemistry.

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