Seven Charms of a Courtesan

Delighting and Enchanting the Men in Your Life

Courtesans, many of whom have vanished without a trace, were often highly cultivated women who specialized in exchanging artistic graces, elevated conversation, and sexual favors with male patrons throughout history and around the world. Courtesans were present in Japan, China and Italy, where exchange was made through poetry, speech, and music; in pre-colonial India through magic, music, chemistry, politics, economics and other arts.

The following are seven feminine qualities courtesans cultivated within their arts for hundreds of years. Trained in the ways of feminine beauty, they were not only experts in charming, conversing with and enchanting men, many courtesans discovered how to bring their lovers into the highest states of contentment and pleasure. Although many courtesans lived precarious lives and were often kept as secret mistresses, there is much any woman can learn from these elusive women who devoted their lives to appreciating the men in their lives.

Seven Charms


Consider everything you do with a man an erotic preliminary. It may last for an hour or days and weeks. Entirely up to you, timing is the art of offering a gesture, your voice, a touch, or whatever is needed in any given moment. Timing means being keenly observant, on the lookout for what someone likes, and then, at just at the right instant, effortlessly saying, or offering a gesture that brings beauty into the space. Usually, timing is an invisible art, for when what is most needed to be said or done is given, the courtesan disappears and gives credit to someone else.


Are we born with it, or can we create it? The only thing that matters is that you find yours and trust it. Believe in your beauty. Be willing to be seen, and take joy when you are. Drink in compliments like you are savoring a fine wine. When you are given even a hint of a compliment smile shyly and let it linger. Your shyness can be irresistible.


Humor and laughter are your greatest assets. Your humor dissolves his insecurities. Your intelligence, delivered with wit will not be felt as competitive. Competing with men, in a direct, or overly serious manner dampens their attraction to you. On the other hand, some men love playful, intense competition. They sometimes love to be tested and they love to have powerful women around them. Your power and comments should elevate them in some genuine way. In other words, the key to using your wit in a cheeky way means that you stretch your intelligence and use it to raise his feeling about himself. Then, with wit, a man is more open to being shown where and how he could be even better.


Kindly appreciate any man who praises you. His attraction is flattering, yet it doesn't mean that you have to do anything but enjoy it. Listening with empathy, resist the temptation to over fix or change his situation. Fully hear where he is and then offer a small ray of hope. A courtesan is a seductress, not a schoolteacher or therapist. Men are highly attracted to the courtesan aspect of a woman- for she likes him as he is. She also lets him know she believes in his ability to make it. Believe in him more than he believes in himself, this is benevolence.


Men love gaiety. Your frivolity, your playfulness is highly attractive. It's delightful to men. The lighter you are the more room there is for others to relax around you. Lighten yourself like a butterfly landing on a branch. Become a carefree power spot, calmly attracting laughter and an easygoing breeze to follow you wherever you go. Your calm relieves a man of his own worries. The brighter, more easygoing you are the stronger and more confident he will feel. It's even better if you make him feel your sense of gaiety comes from him.


Grace is elegance in your movements. It also appears in your manner of speaking tenderly and politely in everything that you do. Allowing your graceful movements to be seen and enjoyed, grace is elicited through your eyes in the way you look at him. Your smile accepts him for who he is. Your grace melts away his insecurities, warms his feelings, calms his mind, and calls forth his desire to respectfully enjoy your gifts.


Even though you may never choose to have sex of any kind with a particular man, convey through your gestures that you could. Give signs of your interest while allowing the mystery of the outcome to remain open. Charm means keeping the possibility of sexual play in the air, why clearly conveying the timing is entirely up to you. He will respect you for this and actually likes the playful tension of the dance. Your openness entices and challenges him to remain in your good graces. He will want to be respectful, not because you outwardly tell him what to do; rather it's his choice to be courteous. Rather than frustrating a man, temper his eagerness by allowing possibilities of connecting with you to remain possible. Consider his sexual interest as natural and good. Inspire him to offer you delights, and show him your sincere pleasure; thank him when he does.

The Key

to acquiring the charms of a courtesan is through sincerity and generosity. Regardless of your age or how you look, you can share these qualities and charms not only to delight the men in your life, but to cultivate your soft, enduring feminine nature as well. The best part is that the more you freely give, the more beautiful you feel and thus the more beautiful you will become. Just as a flower effortlessly offers its petals to the sun without expecting anything in return, any woman can give with tenderness whenever she likes. As if dropping a pebble into a pond, watch the vast ripples, the effects of your giving, spreading out and touching others in beauty.

Amara Charles is a highly acclaimed sex and intimacy expert who has taught workshops internationally since 1989, helping men and women reconnect with their passion, reclaim their sexual energy and deepen their appreciation for life. Charles is the author of several books, including The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka. Published by Inner Traditions/Bear & CO., it will be available in wide release in August 2011. Charles has been a guest on BBC, ABC radio, and HBO and has spoken at numerous national and international conferences where she gives presentations about sex and intimacy for various groups, corporate clients and universities.

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