What's Up If He Stops Wanting Sex?

You used to have sex all the time it was ridiculous. You had sex virtually everywhere and it even got to the point that he cannot get his hands off you that what started out as flattering became annoying. But now, gone were the days when you had sex all over the house and you are starting to miss his constantly groping hands. Sex has gone from once a day, to once in a blue moon.

When he stops wanting sex with you, what does it mean? Is he no longer attracted to you? Or could it be that he is having sex with someone else?

True, those are indeed plausible theories, but do not think that they are the only possible reasons why he has stopped having sex with you. Here is one of the most common reasons why guys uncharacteristically stop wanting to have sex.

Stress, anxiety and pressure

When stress is riding him hard, he won't have enough energy or desire to ride you anytime soon. Stress can not only sap out energy and sanity but also a person's sex drive. Stress leaves a person feeling overwhelmed, anxious and preoccupied with worries that it leaves no space in the brain to even think about sex. Find out if he has been stressing it over work, or maybe he has some really serious personal problems going on such as family problems or relationship problems.

Often times, stress is caused by being under a lot of pressure. Sometimes jealousy and insecurity can cause him to stress out too; if the stress is caused by relationship problems, such as jealousy or insecurity, address the root of the issue first.

If you can see that he is stressed and you have identified the root of the stress, help him de-stress. Don't add to his stress by expressing your sexual dissatisfaction; help him relax by engaging him in an activity he enjoys (not sex!) or doing something really nice for him to make him feel special, do not be very sexual as this may only add to his anxiety. Put yourself in his shoes and you will understand that when you are feeling particularly negative, the deed is the last thing on your mind. Be nice, be sweet and be attentive, it's not only girls who want to be treated like a princess sometimes... be patient and eventually you will be rewarded for your selfless deeds.

Check out these articles about sexuality and relationships at Turn A Girl On and Finger Yourself

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What's the Difference Between Sensuality and Sexuality?

Everybody knows what's sexy, right? We see images all the time of good-looking men and women, smoking physiques, and enticing faces. People magazine tells us every year who is The Sexiest Man Alive! And men's magazines are full of images of alluring women. There is one standard of beauty offered, and a real human being's sexiness quotient is measured by how closely they measure up to the media's promotion of who and what are sexy.

In our culture, attraction has become an entirely visual experience. Instead of eroticizing the whole body, we make love only with our eyes. Our relationship to our own bodies has become one of working on them at the gym in order to be visually attractive to potential lovers to the exclusion of anything else.

But the visual is only one of our five senses, and by telling us that the visual is what's sexy, we learn to have a skewed emphasis on physical image. We come to pay less attention to the other four senses and the art of sensuality is being lost. When we talk about the sensual, we are talking about the seductive qualities of the sounds of our lover's voice and the sighs of lovemaking, our partner's particular scent, the taste of their sweat, and the touch of their skin.

Sensual sex is about two people connecting through all five senses. We are meant to make love not only with our eyes, but also with our nose, our ears, our mouth, and our hands. We can learn to enjoy the touch, scent, sound, and taste of sex, instead of only the sight. Many of the exercises practiced in the art of tantra are conducted blindfolded so as to short-circuit the eyes and have the practitioner focus instead on the other senses.

There is a famous story of Napoleon writing home to his wife, Josephine, "I'll be home in three days. Don't bathe." To men of earlier generation, the natural scent of a woman was an intoxicating aphrodisiac that drove them wild with desire.

Sensual means that you appreciate your partner in their entirety, experiencing their desirability just the way they are. Rather than focusing on what, in your opinion, is not like a magazine cover, close your eyes and feel, listen, smell, and touch the incredible and unique sexiness of this particular lover who is gracing you with their intimacy and vulnerability. Every person wants to be loved in their totality, not just as a collection of body parts.

c Catherine Auman 2008

Catherine Auman, MFT is a spiritual psychotherapist and the Director of The Transpersonal Counseling Center in Los Angeles, Calfornia. She has advanced training in both traditional and alternative methodologies based on ancient traditions and wisdom teachings. Visit her online at http://www.catherineauman.com/

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