Premarital sex is a ticklish issue that needs a good deal of wisdom to engage in it or not, especially if you are female. Like many teens and young adults, you may be one of those longing to tie the knot someday with the right partner. But you want to know if premarital sex can affect your chances of a good marriage. Does premarital sex really make sense? There are couples who have engaged in premarital sex and now have happy marriages. But there are more of those who are not as fortunate.
This is not to argue for or against premarital sex; neither is it to pit the conservative view against the modern view on sex. Regardless of your religious beliefs or sex philosophies, there are mistaken notions about premarital sex that have brought disaster to many couples. Take a look at these common notions and the facts behind them.
1. Everybody's doing it, so it must be right for me.
Premarital sex has increased since five generations ago. Teen pregnancies are increasing by the day. Children are bearing children! They end up devastated when they are left to be young single mothers to their babies. Premarital sex tends to break up couples before marriage since sex could be the only thing holding the partners together.
2. Females should be the ones to put a hold on sex.
This is clearly double standard. It is no different from wanting to marry a female virgin when the male partner is not a virgin himself. Both partners must take responsibility for their sexual behaviours.
There is a law in Wisconsin that holds the male fully liable for half the costs of pregnancy and of rearing the baby to age 18. We are talking of tens of thousands of dollars here! Since it is a fair law, it will not be long until this law spreads to other states.
3. A man who does not have sex when he needs it badly will suffer serious bodily damage.
Celibate individuals like priests and nuns have proven this wrong for centuries. Sex is never a necessity. No one dies for want of sex. Do not be misled into thinking that your partner will suffer permanent brain damage or break out with purple pimples if he does not have sex.
4. Sex is your proof of love.
There is a basic difference in how males and females view sex. While a man may want sex with a prostitute he feels no affection for, a woman needs to love the man before she has sex with him.
A man often tells his partner, "If you love me, do it with me." He may only want to satisfy his sex needs and may never have the idea of love enter his hot little mind.
5. Sex before marriage is necessary for sexual adjustment.
Nature takes its course when it comes to sex in marriage. If there is true love and respect for each other, partners will surely work out their sex life even without trying sex first. Mutual love and tender affection are far more important than fiercely erotic techniques in bed.
6. Since we're engaged, there is no point in waiting for sex.
This sounds convincing but statistics show that 1 out of 3 engagements in the United States is broken and premarital sex is one of the big causes. Rushing into sex before marriage spoils the eagerness and deprives the couple of the deeper, more permanent joys of total sex where the physical self and spiritual self merge into one.
7. Pleasurable sex saves a bad relationship.
This is never the case. It never made a good one either. No matter how explosive a physical sexual experience may be, it is no match to the love, trust and respect that strongly bind a relationship.
There are different strokes for different folks. We believe what we choose to believe and act upon it. What matters is that our approach to sex must be a sensible one based on logical facts. Now, you decide for yourselves. Should you or should you not?
Read more about Mahal Likha's thoughts on relationships in Sex Styles and His Personality and Dating Without Having Sex.